Petition to Kill Uwe Boll?

by Irma Arkus

Fans demand Uwe Boll’s early retirement – of his movie making, that is. Fans everywhere demand the Boll industry be put to stop, as they issued a petition to Mr. Boll requesting him to “stop directing, producing, or taking any part in the creation of feature films.”

While personally I find Mr. Boll’s films to be less than eligible for US Film Academy Awards, upon meeting him in person, I was amazed at how patient, personable and respondent to his audience he is.

Furthermore, Boll exhibits something that exemplifies great directors – he has an immense love of film in general, and he loves making films too!

Many fans reject his films, and often for good reasons, but there is no denying the drive behind this filmmaker who can be considered no less than prolific, making up to four films a year. Do not forget that these are independent films Boll makes. His feet have to grind a lot of pavement before he can collect enough funds to make one – something that is getting harder for any independent filmmaker to do.

And trust me, the moistness of the gleaming eye when you hear him talk about the scenes of his past creations, solidified him in my mind, as a growing director. As someone who will one day perhaps make important films that stray from the mainstream, cookie-cutter films, and write his name in the annals of film history and pop-culture.

His last film, Postal, which most have never had the opportunity to glimpse, was a truly provocative creation, going against the stillness of yet to be laughed at world of post-9/11. It was the trailer of Postal that finally signaled the post-9/11 comedic world for me. Oh, sure, the Daily Show and Colbert helped ease our mass consciousness a little, but Postal was the giant burning bush I was waiting for, with Bush and Bin-Laden holding hands, skipping a little…

Another reason I feel anxious of this petition is the small matter of geek-support. Whether you like Boll’s films or not, in his chest beats a heart of a geek. The kind that reads the comic books, plays the video games, and watches the cheesy and fantastic action flicks ruffled by critics and discarded by mobs. I guess I support his filmmaking for the same reason that Bush got elected twice: If he can do it, maybe we all can do it. Perhaps he gives me hope that if one day I too wish to make that film, I possibly could do so.

Maybe this petition is really just Boll’s maneuver to grab our attention again, since we’ve all learned that he is an excellent public relations maven. Let’s face it, his boxing matches were hilarious, violent, unexpected and worthy of our attention, as he beat up critics one at a time.

I think tonight, instead of signing a petition, I will laugh at the world of ironies we exist in. Bolls films are made fun of, people signing petitions to stop him from making them, while millions of Americans pay what can be considered a day’s worth of wages in most places, in order to enjoy 80 minutes of Meet the Spartans.

What a world…