Mortal Kombat: Rebirth

When I was a kid the most bad ass thing in the world was Mortal Kombat. The teaser TV ad announcing the release of the game was a video of a kid standing in the streets yelling “Mortal Kombat” at the top of his lungs and that was all we needed to know. It was a world when Sega and Nintendo was in fierce competition for our love – Sonic wouldn’t appear in a Nintendo game unless he was on all fours being spit roast on Mario and Luigi’s cocks, let alone being accepted with open arms into the Super Smash Bros family. But the year Mortal Kombat came out Sega won the hearts and minds of psychotic teenage boys all across the country for the sole reason that the Sega version of MK had tons of blood and more brutal fatalites than those offered by the family-friendly Super Nintendo.

Since then the Mortal Kombat franchise has carried on its tradition of combining unrelenting killer hardcore awesome with super cheesiness, with awesome to cheese ratios varying widely. This tradition has been kept alive to the present day with the release the Mortal Kombat Rebirth trailer.
Is it a fan trailer? Is it a trailer for an actual upcoming movie? Is it a leaked pitch? Can a scientist answer these questions? No – scientists only know about protons, not Mortal Kombat. It can’t be a fan trailer – what are celebrities like Black Dynamite and 7 of 9 doing in a fan trailer? But wouldn’t a real trailer for a real movie have less fan-fictionesque writing? It is a new media for a new kind of war – if Mortal Kombat Rebirth somehow metamorphoses into an actual movie then what we’ve seen is an actual trailer shot cheaply that turned into a multimillion dollar movie, but if the producers down at the big studios tells the Rebirth team to GTFO then the trailer is just like one of many internet fan trailers except that it has Black Dynamite and 7 of 9 (as opposed to hipster-nerd-guy and hipster-nerd-guy-in-wig).

So here’s to Mortal Kombat Rebirth, potentially living the dream of amateur filmmakers everywhere. Here’s hoping that you at least give Stryker a cool death.